Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
