kristin has been a bad kristin
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
