I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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