remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
