Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I will be naked everywhere
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize