I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize