these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
