Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
