ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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