Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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