I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
