Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
