It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
