So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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