so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just gargled with NyQuil
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
