Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
