Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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