it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
