Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
