I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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