Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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