I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
