Your dad touched me again.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
