Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
