Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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