The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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