I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
