her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
