His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize