if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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