If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it's great music for shaving your balls
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
