You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
