your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
