If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
