My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
