I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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