I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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