The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Who died my cat blue again?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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