We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize