so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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