Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
