the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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