this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
