I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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