This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
