just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
