last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
