We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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