You smell like stripper and shame
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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