she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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