I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize