yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
