Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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