Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
