So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
