You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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