So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
