So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Never let your siblings swipe right.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
