It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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