I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
