Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My vagina is officially offended.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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